One Simple Tip to Totally Transform Your Relationship

So many relationships get stuck in a cycle of bickering, impatience and intolerance. It is such an easy place to get stuck because these minor arguments and complaints give us a low level benefit. We do actually get something out of them – we get to feel sorry for ourselves.

I have to say, ‘feeling sorry for myself’ is my most disliked emotion. I really do think it is a lazy emotion and to be honest, quite abhorrent. It is such an easy trap to fall into and it is just so damaging to relationships.
But let’s face it, it is also very common. In all manner of relationships (not just with our intimate partner) we subconsciously create rules that we instinctively live by that mean when our partner does something or behaves a certain way then it means x, y or z.

And when that happens, they do something and you feel a negative way and worse than that – you put this negativity back into the relationship with words, actions and behaviours. And unfortunately, 99% of the time the partner reciprocates.

Breaking Free & Getting The Awesome Relationship You Deserve

The question “what else could this mean” has literally transformed the quality of my life and relationships. All of my relationships. Not just my relationship with my partner, but also with my family members, friends, business associates and strangers!

But it really maximises your deepest relationship, the one with your partner.

As Tony Robbins says:

You want to change your life? You need to ask yourself a new question whenever you’re about to get upset – with any person in any relationship and the question is this: “What Else Could This Mean?”

It will change your life if you ask it. Because what happens is, when you are upset, you’re upset not because of what someone did, not because of what they said, but because of the meaning you’ve attached to it. You say “well, they said this and therefore it means that” so you’ve got to ask yourself “what else could this mean” and you’ve got to make yourself come up with as many positive meanings as you could come up with negative”

For example, what if your loved one was supposed to call you at a certain time and they as yet haven’t. How does that make you instantly feel? Maybe you start to think:

• He doesn’t care about me
• He’s probably off with his friends having fun without me
• He’ll be at the pub getting drunk again
• I bet he’s working late AGAIN
• I never come first in this relationship, why doesn’t he think I’m important
• I can never trust him or count on him – he’s useless
• I bet he forgot, he NEVER listens

Of course, I bet you can think of a few yourself (and also, of course, it could be ‘she’!).
What kind of state do you think this puts you in? If you think the worst of your partner in this situation, how do you think you react or relate to him/her when they do then call?

Do you think it will make them more or less likely to call next time? Or go out of their way to do something special for you?

Regardless of ‘fault’ – at this stage – by putting yourself in this state and relating to them in this defensive, negative way is going to put incredible strain on the relationship and is likely to only snowball and lead to further problems/arguments.

Now, what might happen if you came up with a whole bunch of positive meanings? An open, new set of possibilities. Why push them away?

This doesn’t mean accepting bad behaviour and letting them get away with what they want, rather it means – never automatically assume that the person is doing this deliberately to hurt you. Most of the time it’s not about you!

Imagine that – it’s not always about you!

So, what else could this mean?

Maybe…

• They’re running late for a legitimate reason
• Maybe something important has happened
• Maybe you didn’t communicate how important it was to be contacted at this time or why you wanted them to contact you
• Maybe they’re late because they’re doing something for you
• Maybe they’ve got something really important going on in their life right now (fancy that)

It could be any number of reasons, and if you tried you could always come up with more positive possibilities than negative.

When You Communicate With Positivity

Now, when you do communicate like this two things will happen:
1. You’ll be balanced and openminded. You won’t be on the attack. You won’t assume the worst – as when you assume the worst you really hurt the other person and the relationship. Relationship is about teamwork and unity – supporting each other and helping each other, not the opposite, and when you assume the worst of the other person you’re really digging a great big hole for the relationship that people rarely get out of. Don’t fall into the trap of wanting to be right rather than wanting to be in love.

2. Your partner will respond positively back to you and you’ll move towards your shared goals. I promise, they will not see this as a licence to do whatever they want and they won’t see you as a soft touch – in fact the opposite, they will see you as strong and positive.

The more you give your partner this in-control, strong, elegant version of yourself the more they will want to reciprocate and give you the love, connection, growth, respect and warmth you’re after.

Guys especially take note of this – being strong, in-control, measured and confident in these scenarios is extremely attractive to women rather than being needy, weak, paranoid, jealous or just plain argumentative. I promise you, this shift to a more masculine energy rather than feminie energy will draw your lady in. Being argumentative and demanding actually shows your woman weakness and immaturity (yes, even when you shout – these immature emotions show weakness, not strength).

And ladies? The same is true of you. Showing you are confident in a feminine way is ultimately the sexiest thing you can do for yourself and your guy.

I know how easy it is to feel hard done by, sorry for yourself and as if your partner/the world is against you and I know how easy it is to snap and take things out on the people around you – but you are only hurting yourself when you do this. While you do get a very low level benefit out of this, the trade off is seriously not worth it. The high-level benefits you’ll get from responding in a strong and positive way will give you so much more.

So remember – people almost never respond to negative reinforcement, and by reacting in this way and staying open minded you will continually reinforce the behaviour you want to see in your partner and they willreciprocate.

So next time you feel like you’re going to react less than positively, take a breath and think: “WHAT ELSE COULD THIS MEAN?”

I promise, it will make a HUGE difference!

References & Resources

This article was inspired by The Ultimate Relationship Program by Tony Robbins. I have to say, hands down, this is the most effective Tony Robbins course I have ever done.

Having been to Date with Destiny, a lot of these topics were covered and it was truly life changing in so many ways – following up with this course a year or two later was incredible.

As I mentioned above, this is not just about your intimate relationship, this transforms ALL of your relationships – family, friends, workmates, strangers – everyone!

I really, really recommend it.

P.S. If you’re not in a relationship right now, this is the very best thing you can do for yourself. The Ultimate Relationship Program not only gives you the tools and techniques to work out exactly what you want in a mate and relationship but it also gives you the tools to attract this into your life. Honestly and seriously. Plus, and I promise you this, if you arm yourself with these strategies, tools and ways of thinking before you enter your next relationship you will be absolutely amazed at how amazing you can make that relationship – your partner-to-be is going to absolutely adore you!

Click here to create the relationship of your dreams now

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